I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
