You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
