shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
