Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
