i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
