you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
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She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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