I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
