Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
