i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm too high and old for this...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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