im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
