Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
