You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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