The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
