I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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