went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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