You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
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I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
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We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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