How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
