turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
