Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
