From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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