So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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