Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
