i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm passing your future prison.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize