put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
