When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
