i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
