Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
