did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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