I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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