This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
