my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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