from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
