Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
