The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
