This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
