Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
