just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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