its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
