Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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