careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
