the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
