You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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