Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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