You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
