Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
