that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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