I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
