This girl is more easily done than said...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
