yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
