Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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