why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
