This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Four minutes until I can fart!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
