If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
