Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
did you just send me my own nude
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
