I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize