I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
