Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
