Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
