Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Randomize
