We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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