Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize