Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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