she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
