these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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