there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
