i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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