Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
