I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my shit smells like andre
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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