new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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