it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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