drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
