pop tarts are not kleenex
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
