I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she pinky promised me she was 18
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
