FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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