so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
