ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize