i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Is it because I queefed?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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