I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
