Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
