just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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