my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
