the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
