what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
