Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
